


One Day Maybe

by lovemylarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Amsterdam, Backstage, Boyfriends, Concert, Concerts, Drama, Fighting, Gay Love, Harry Styles - Freeform, Harry Styles concert, Harry and Louis - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, Love, M/M, Pink tour, Pressure, gay relationship, harry styles and louis tomlinson - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, pink tour Amsterdam, relationship, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 19:18:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14479413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovemylarry/pseuds/lovemylarry
Summary: Louis visits Harry during his tour in Amsterdam 2018. This story is a fictional description of what could have happened that day.





	1. Paris

**Author's Note:**

> Dear readers,
> 
> I hope you will enjoy my story! Thanks to my friend [Ily](http://ilaydatarahan.tumblr.com) for helping me when I doubted myself while writing this story.
> 
> You can find me on [tumblr](http://lovemylarry.tumblr.com/). 
> 
> [FANFIC POST](https://lovemylarry.tumblr.com/post/173454541185) .
> 
> Don't translate or publish my work without my permission.

“I can’t wait to leave Paris,” Harry tells Sarah as they’re having breakfast at the hotel breakfast room early in the morning.

“Have I missed something?” Sarah asks, giving Harry a strange look. “I thought you loved Paris, didn’t you?”

Harry has his elbows propped up on the table, holding a white cup with both of his hands. He rolls his eyes before he takes a sip of his black coffee then turns his head toward Sarah. “Amsterdam? Louis?” he asks reproachfully. "I told you about that at least ten times yesterday!” Harry can’t fight a small smirk as he puts the mug back onto the table and shakes his head slightly.

Sarah hits her forehead with the palm of her hand. “Oh god,” she moans, “how could I forget about him!” She rubs Harry’s back gently. “I’m very happy that you can spend some time with him,” she says and gives Harry a smile. “You deserve that.”

“I can’t wait,” Harry responds with a sigh as he butters his toast and puts a slice of ham onto it. “Seriously, I can't. I'm fed up seeing him through a screen only.” He keeps his voice low in case if anyone who shouldn’t know about them could be listening. Harry can’t risk it since they’re still closeted. He thought things would change after they went on hiatus but his PR manager showed him a clause in the contract of the group that made clear they weren’t allowed to admit anything that had to do with Harry and Louis being a couple.

Sarah nods. “I don’t even want to imagine what it must feel like being away from your partner for such a long time, constantly.”

Harry nods. “It’s so hard, especially when you can’t see each other as much as you want.” Harry takes a bite of his toast and finishes the rest of his boiled egg.

“You’ve been together for how long now?” Sarah asks, pouring milk over her second bowl of cereals. She loves them, just like Louis.

“It's been about seven years now,” Harry tells her. He takes an orange from the fruit basket that has been put on the table and starts peeling it.

Sarah's eyes widen as she looks at Harry. “Seven years? Wow, that's remarkable." She dips her spoon into the bowl. “Is everything still fine with both of you?”

Harry nods several times. “Yeah, pretty much," he answers. "We’ve been on the road for years so you might think we would have drifted apart."

"You used to see each other every day while you were on tour, didn't you?"

"Sure we did," Harry replies as he puts some of the peels aside, "but we didn't have a lot of quality time together concerning the amount of work we had to accomplish. Most of the time we started early in the morning and worked until late. We even recorded one of our albums while being on tour.”

“Sounds stressful,” Sarah replies and Harry nods.

“Very,” Harry says. “The problem was that there always were people around us who weren’t allowed to know about us. Only the inner circle of our team and people in the music industry know though,” he explains. “But whenever we had days off, Louis and I also spent some of them with our family and friends at home since we couldn't see them a lot," Harry continues further. "We were in a real dilemma because mostly we always had to choose between us or the family and we never had many days off except for Christmas.”

"That must have been terrible for you," Sarah says quietly, “well . . . it still is probably.”

Harry nods. “Yeah, I mean . . . of course we fought, we fought so much. Maybe even more than others since our situation had been a very difficult one compared to the majority of people. We broke up two times because the pressure was too much and we struggled a lot but we got together again. We've been through so much and still we're not free, which hurts. He's the love of my life." Harry feels his cheeks getting a little hot as he shoves a piece of orange into his mouth. "I haven't met him for two months," Harry adds, “and I can't wait to see him again."

“I’m sure you’re going to have a good time with him. I promise we won’t force you to go out with us after the show like we did last night."

"And the nights before," Harry adds and leans his body over to her, playfully raising his index finger in warning.

Sarah chuckles. Then she takes a sip of her tea. "Don't worry. We are going to behave tonight."

“How generous of you,” Harry smirks and shoves a piece of orange into his mouth. A few hours later, they take their flight to Amsterdam.

 


	2. Restrictions

After Harry has closed the door of his hotel room he lets himself fall backwards onto the soft, king-sized bed. He closes his eyes, enjoying the silence around him. During the last years with One Direction Harry spent more time in hotel rooms or tour busses than in his own bed at home. When they started the group, Harry was very excited to travel from one city to another, from country to country and of course that meant that he would spend the nights in hotel rooms. They weren’t that luxurious at the beginning and Harry remembers his fist stay at a five star hotel as if it was yesterday. The first thing the two boys did was jumping up and down on the bed until Louis stumbled and hurt his head but the situation was so funny that both of them couldn't stop laughing for more than five minutes. The most important thing on tour had always been that Louis stayed in a room with him. No matter where they were, Harry always felt at home with Louis; at home and very much in love.

Within a few months their lives were turned upside down. In the beginning everything was new and it felt like a school trip that would never end but soon the beautiful hotels became boring, impersonal, just a casual routine. While Harry's friends were excited about staying at four or five star hotels during their holidays, Harry just craved his own bed at home. But there was always one thing he loved about these rooms: the satisfying feeling of clean, crisp bedlinen. Harry sighs as he closes his eyes and lets his hands slide over the smooth surface slowly.

A few seconds later, the comfortable silence is interrupted by the ringing of his phone. As Harry looks at it, his face falls. It's his PR agent Linda and it's never a good sign when she calls. Harry stares at his phone for a few seconds then accepts the call eventually.

“Hey Linda,” Harry greets her. He props himself up a little bit to lean his head against the pillows and get into a more comfortable position. Harry turns the speaker on and puts the phone on the bed. Then he folds his hands on his tummy.

“Hello Harry. I need to give you a few instructions concerning Louis.” Linda never does small talk, she never loses time. Harry doesn’t answer. “Harry?” she asks. “Harry, are you still there?” She's such a hectic person, it's not healthy.

“I’m here,” Harry answers flatly.

“Good. Louis will be allowed to stay with you until tomorrow evening if you two stick to the rules,” Linda explains. “First of all make sure Louis isn’t seen around you outside the venue, at the hotel and also backstage or even better: make sure Louis isn’t seen at all what means he is going to stay in your dressing room all the time when you’re at the venue.”

Harry turns his head. “He is allowed to use the bathroom, isn’t he?”

Linda lets out an annoyed sound. “Of course he is. But he has to go there on his own and return to the dressing room as quickly as possible,” she explains. Harry rolls his eyes. “As I said, make sure he is seen as less as possible. Second, you won’t go anywhere after the show. No bars, no clubs, no restaurants, no walking around anywhere, no strolls, nothing. Third, Louis is going to have his own driver so you won’t be seen together, just in case.” Linda pauses for a second. “Make sure you stay in your hotel room when it’s just the two of you. It’s very important not to be seen together. Also, if people only see Louis they could start assuming things which would be better to prevent. He’s supposed to be MIA these days.”

"Hotel staff is always bound to maintain confidentiality," Harry throws in. He’s trying hard not to show his anger toward Linda and keep his voice low.

"Technically yes but I don't care," she fires back. “You have to minimize _every_ risk.”

Harry rubs his face. For years he has always felt as if Louis and he were trapped in a golden cage with locked door that would never open. “Is Louis allowed to watch the show at least?” he asks.

“Yes, but he shouldn’t be seen in the venue. There are monitors backstage so he can watch the show from your dressing room.”

Harry lets out a sigh. “There’s a VIP lounge in the venue. Can’t he watch the show there?”

“No," Linda answers strictly. "Some fans are going to be seated in the VIP areas around the one for special guests what means people could spot Louis easily. That’s definitely not possible and I won’t discuss about that with you.”

“What about next to the stage where it’s dark?”

“No Harry. He has to stay backstage all the time and not even get _close_ to the auditorium,” Linda insists harshly. Her voice tells Harry that she's getting angry. “Don’t talk to anyone about Louis if possible, except for your band and the main team members, you know – the ones who are allowed to know things. You know who they are."

“Yeah I know. What if someone asks something about Louis?” Harry wants to know.

“If someone asks you about him just tell them he’s a friend of the band," Linda answers and clears her throat. "I have already informed everyone. But seriously, you shouldn’t worry about that,” she continues, “you’re the one who invented dodging questions anyway so this shouldn't be a major problem for you. Make sure both of you follow the rules in order to not get into trouble.”

Harry stays quiet although the anger is boiling inside of him. He hates the restrictions, the orders, the rules. He hates the fact that he can never act as a normal couple in public with Louis and he would like to yell at Linda about how she would feel if someone told her all these things. Harry is aware of the fact that his thoughts are unprofessional since Linda is only doing her job. “You’ve been doing this for years, Harry. You’re a pro.”

“That’s exactly the problem,” Harry mutters under his breath as he balls his right fist, gripping the sheets.

“Sorry?” Linda barks into the phone.

Harry gulps. “Nothing,” he replies quickly. “Is there anything else I should know?”

“No. I’m going to inform Louis about the rules in a few minutes. Good luck with the show tonight.”

“Thank you," Harry replies dryly. Not that she really cares.

“Bye.”

Harry throws his phone away angrily and rubs his face, letting out a frustrated sigh. After everything Linda said, he starts wondering how much private time they are going to have since they aren’t allowed to leave the venue. The dressing room isn’t only Harry’s, the room is also for the band and they spend most of the time in it to relax, chat, read or whatever. Louis hasn’t arrived yet and noon has already passed. Harry has to leave around three for the sound check and get settled at the venue. He grabs his phone to message Louis.

_Harry: “Hi baby! Where are you? I feel lonely without you._

It takes a while until Louis answers.

_Louis: “I’m just about to exit the airplane and jump into the car!”_

_Harry: “Wonderful! Has Linda already called you?”_

_Louis: “She has. I hate her.”_

_Harry: “Same. I’m in room 812.”_

_Louis: “Alright, I’ll be there in a few!”_


	3. Louis

Minutes seem like hours. Harry doesn’t really know what to do since his excitement nearly drives him crazy. He paces around, looks out of the window, scrolls through his phone, sits down on the sofa, gets up, reads a few lines in his new book but he can’t really concentrate on anything. He jumps up from the sofa as he hears a quiet knock and practically runs to the door. He almost stumbles over his huge brown bag he has put in the middle of the floor. Harry flings the door open and Louis steps inside. Harry gasps at his view since Louis looks so cute and soft and wonderful that he’s speechless. He just stares at him as he sneaks in quickly, gets rid of his rucksack and smiles at Harry, pushing his chin up gently in order to close his mouth.

That’s the moment when Harry wakes up from his daydream. He wraps his arms around Louis forcefully, pressing him against his body. “Thank god,” Harry says into his hair, “I’m so happy that you’re finally here. I missed you so much.”

Louis buries his head into the crook of Harry’s neck and presses a tiny kiss onto the soft skin. “Finally,” he whispers, caressing Harry’s back with one hand. Harry kisses Louis’ hair and wraps his arms tighter around the boys’ torso. His heart is hammering in his chest because he’s so nervous and it's such an exciting but also soothing feeling to hold Louis in his arms again.

"I missed you so much," Harry whispers back as he pulls away a little bit so that they look each other in the eyes. “All the time,” he repeats as he brushes a streak out of Louis’ face. He cups it with the palms of his hands and caresses Louis’ cheeks with his thumbs. Louis gulps as Harry’s eyes wander across his face. The younger boy leans down to kiss Louis’ forehead and pulls him closer again. Louis slides his hands down to Harry's hips where he carefully pushes his shirt up and rests his hands on Harry’s warm skin.

“It’s so good to feel you again,” Louis says as he caresses Harry’s lower back.

“I missed your touch,” Harry says as he pulls back to look Louis in the eyes again.

"I love you baby," Louis tells him, "I love you so much." Louis takes a deep breath as he nuzzles into Harry's broad chest. Harry holds him for a while, kisses his hair and massages his neck a little bit. "If you continue doing that I'm . . . I’m going to fall asleep right here," Louis mumbles.

Harry chuckles. "I wouldn't mind holding you while you're sleeping," he says quietly and Louis lets out a sigh. The boy holds his head up and gives Harry a sweet smile. "I'd love that."

"Later baby, later," Harry tells Louis as he pulls back a little to observe his face again. He hasn’t seen him for so long; it nearly seems as if he had to discover every detail of Louis’ look again. Every inch of his face looks beautiful: his blue eyes, his cute little fringe that covers half of his forehead, the three little freckles next to his mouth and nose, his lips, his three day’s growth on his chin.

Harry presses his forehead against Louis' and bites his lower lip. "I want to kiss you," he tells him before he lets his lips brush over Louis softly. Harry closes his eyes as he feels Louis’ tongue against them. He parts his lips as he moves them against Louis’ who replies to the kiss in a way that feels so special that Harry can feel the electricity of it all over his body. Slow, French kisses have always been his favorite and with Louis, those kisses always feel like heaven and paradise together. Louis’ tongue and lips brush against Harry's again and again, creating a perfect match. Louis holds Harry's face in his hands as he continues to kiss him. When they stop to get some air, Harry bites his lower lip, expecting more and Louis gives him what he craves for.

"God I missed this," Louis sighs when they stop kissing. "Watching your lips through the screen was torture."

Harry nods and takes Louis’ hand. "Come with me," he says quietly. He leads Louis to the sofa near the window where he sits down comfortably, resting his back against the decorative pillows. When Louis sits down too, Harry pulls him close so that he can lean against his chest. "I don't want to waste any time with you," Harry says into Louis' ear and wraps his hands around Louis’ tummy. He kisses his hair, his cheek and leans his against Louis’. Louis sighs. He nuzzles closer to Harry, presses his nose against his neck and inhales his smell. Softly, he presses a cute kiss onto the warm skin of Harry's neck. He takes a deep breath as he closes his eyes. "You look so cute," Harry remarks quietly, brushing a strand of hair out of Louis' forehead gently. The older boy smiles but doesn't open his eyes. Harry enjoys the warmth, the closeness, just being with him. He gently scratches Louis' hair what makes him calm down slowly.

"This feels so good," Louis mumbles sleepy. Harry kisses Louis’ temple and wraps his arms around the boy tighter. "I wish we could stay like this forever,” he whispers quietly.

"Me too," Harry answers as he closes his eyes, leaning his head against Louis'. It doesn't take long until he drifts off to sleep while he’s listening to Louis’ even breathing.

 


	4. Too late

"What?” Harry asks sleepy as he’s about to wake up from his unplanned nap. He feels dizzy and isn’t sure if he only heard the ringing in his dream or if it’s really happening. But when he opens his eyes a little bit he can hear still hear the annoying sound, and he realizes it’s real. The sound hurts Harry’s ears as he moves slowly, trying not to wake Louis (although that seems ridiculous concerning the noise) who is still asleep on his chest. As the ringing won’t stop, Harry covers his eyes with the palm of his right hand and lets out a huff. To his surprise Louis is still asleep and doesn't budge. Harry tries to get up a little more without waking him but of course that’s not possible.

“What’s happening?” Louis half- whispers, his voice full of sleep.

He looks cute, almost like a sleepy little kitten that has just woken up from its nap. “Someone is calling me,” Harry tells him. Louis sighs as he gets up from Harry’s chest to sit on the sofa. He rubs his eyes and exhales audibly. As Harry is getting up he looks at Louis and can’t hide a smile. His boy looks so soft and cute and lovely that it hurts. Just as Harry wants to look away, Louis stretches himself and yawns, a cute sound escaping his mouth. “God you’re gorgeous,” Harry whispers, almost not believing what he sees because it’s precious. He’s so proud that Louis is his boy, so proud.

Harry walks over to the sideboard, takes his phone and accepts the call eventually. "Where the fuck _are_ you?!" a male voice shouts loudly so that it almost hurts Harry’s ear. It’s Mark, his choleric tour manager. “It's already three forty-five and everyone is only waiting for _you_! You should have been here about half an hour ago!” His voice is so loud, full of venom and Harry can only imagine how angry he must look like right now. “Where the hell _are_ you?” Mark shouts into his phone. His voice is even louder than it was before and Harry holds the phone away from his ear.

"I . . . I fell asleep," Harry says slowly. His head hurts and he hates Mark’s obnoxious, loud voice, especially when he’s angry.

"You fell asleep? Are you kidding me?” Mark mocks Harry, letting out a fake laugh. “Listen, if you aren’t able to concentrate on your work properly and you can’t manage to keep an appointment's deadline while Louis is with you, this is definitely going to be the first and last time that he’s allowed to visit you on this tour!"

Harry hates this tone. Harry hates how Mark emphasizes the words, he hates that his management treats him like a child that’s done something wrong and has no say in anything. In addition, Mark still hasn’t understood that “Treat people with kindness” isn’t only words. It’s not only an empty phrase but carries a deeper meaning – but obviously not for him. Harry is still holding the phone away from his ear as he paces across the room.  "It’s not Louis' fault," he tries to explain, "I was tired and-,"

"Stop explaining,” Mark interrupts him harshly. “I’m not interested in your far-fetched excuses at all. Pack your things immediately and wait for your drivers to pick you and Louis up,” he shouts. “You have five minutes. Remember that you’re not allowed to be seen together and now, hurry up!" With these words, Mark ends the call.

"Oh god," Harry sighs as he throws his phone onto the bed and sits down. He buries his hands into the short curls and shakes his head in disbelief.

"What happened?" Louis asks, getting up from the sofa. He stretches himself again that his tummy shows and it makes Harry stare at Louis for a second. He would love to kiss Louis’ cute tummy and put hands around it but time is ticking away. Harry sighs again, for another reason this time. “It was Mark," Harry explains. "I’m late for sound check and our drivers will be here by any minute,” he says annyed.

“Drivers?” he asks. “Aren’t we going to the same location?”

“We still aren’t allowed to be seen together, remember?” Harry remarks dryly and rolls his eyes. “Hasn’t Linda mentioned it?”

“Fuck she has, I forgot. Fucking rules,” Louis growls as he walks over to his boyfriend and stands between his legs. He cups Harry’s face and leans in for a short kiss. “I don’t want to leave,” he says before he attaches his lips to Harry’s again. “I want you to stay here with me.”

"If we only could,” Harry replies as he gets up. He wraps his arms around Louis and kisses his hair. “I’m sorry baby.” Harry lets go of Louis, puts his phone into the pocket of his jeans and throws some unnecessary stuff out of his brown leather bag.

Just in this moment, someone knocks on the door. Harry walks over an opens it.

“Good afternoon Mr. Styles.” A man in his fifties is standing in front of the door, wearing a dark blue uniform. “I was told to pick you up,” he says politely. His crisp white gloves match with his shirt. Harry has never been a fan of this posh way of talking but it’s definitely better than Mark’s shouting.

“Good afternoon,” Harry replies as politely as him. “Just give me a second please.”

The man nods and Harry closes the door again. “Linda told me you should go first. That’s your driver over there”, he tells Louis.

"I hate Linda so much,” the older boy growls, “and also this fucking business policy."

"As if there would be a difference if we drove in the same car," Harry adds, “ it’s so stupid.”

“Yeah,” Louis sighs and grabs his phone.

Harry moves closer to Louis and puts his arms around his neck, looking him in the eyes. Louis gulps as Harry comes closer and cups Louis cheeks. “I need to kiss you,” Harry breathes as he leans down until his lips touch Louis’. He moves his mouth against his, kissing him slowly. The kiss makes his tummy flutter again.  "Thank you for being here," he breathes into Louis’ mouth. “I love you." When Harry pulls back, a small gasp escapes Louis’ mouth.

"I love you," Louis replies and wraps his arms around the taller boy again before he leaves.

A few minutes later there’s another knock on the door. Harry puts the brown bag around his shoulders, takes the plastic card out of the slot and the room goes dark.

 


	5. Backstage

When Harry arrives at the venue in Amsterdam, Mark is already waiting for him at the backstage entrance, pacing in front of the door impatiently. He has his hand pressed against his right ear as he holds the walkie-talkie close to his other one and yells something back. "It was about time Styles!" he shouts unfriendly as Harry gets off the car. Mark doesn’t even greet him what doesn’t surprise Harry since he knows what kind of person he is. "Come on! Hurry up,” Mark demands harshly as he puts his hand onto Harry’s back in order to push him forward a little bit. “You messed up everything!” he shouts. “Look at the clock! We should have already done the sound check!” he barks as he pushes a huge fire door open. “Everyone is just waiting for you,” he continues, “I have no idea what you were thinking!"

Mark doesn't look at Harry at all as they’re hurrying down the hallway until they reach the backstage area where Harry’s and the band’s dressing room is. In Harry’s eyes this room isn’t really a dressing room because the atmosphere in there is more like the one in a lounge or a fancy living room. Black curtains are hung up to cover the concrete walls. Two sofas and one armchair provide enough space to relax and even have a short nap if necessary. There are fresh flowers and some newspapers put on the small table in front of the sofas. Harry loves the floor lamps that surround the sofa area, as well as the tiny fairy lights that are hung up all over the room’s walls. A huge black box with silver metal edges and locks is standing in front of the sofas. Those boxes are usually used to transport the equipment such as lights, mixing desks, wires, amplifiers, microphones, instruments, the scaffolds and other things Harry and his team need for the concerts. The team has put a TV into this one which technically allows people to follow the show backstage. The TV is also used by the band to watch movies or battle each other in video games.

"Put your bag in here quickly and come with me," Mark orders as he opens the door for Harry.

"Where’s Louis?” Harry asks Mark as he walks in and scans the room. Harry puts his bag onto the floor and turns around toward the broad man.

"Come on Styles, they’re waiting for you!" Mark presses, completely ignoring Harry’s question. The man clears his throat as he’s tapping his fingers against the door frame, staring at Harry. His eyes are glaring, his facial features hard. Why is he such an unpleasant human being? Harry decides not to argue with Mark because he knows better. It wouldn't lead anywhere but only cause trouble which he needs to avoid urgently because of Louis. If it wasn’t for Louis Harry would have contradicted Mark until now.

When Harry walks onto the stage his bandmates aren't mad at all. They only roast him with bad jokes about his delay and also the sound guys aren't pissed or angry – a total contrast to Mark who’s watching them from aside with a sour expression, straight-faced. Harry thinks Mark is the type of person who always exaggerates everything in order to sound important. In Harry’s eyes, everyone who works on this tour is important: the roadies, the sound guys, the catering people, his band, make-up artists, stylists – not only Mark because he is the tour manager. Of course, the tour wouldn’t be what it was without Mark but also not without all the other people who make this tour happen and keep doing amazing jobs.

About one hour later, the sound check is finished. It’s almost five what means that Harry has about three hours and a half to spend with Louis. He usually gets his hair and make-up done around half past eight. After that he puts on the show clothes and gets his mic pack. After Harry has left the stage, he runs back to the dressing room, hoping that Louis is in there this time.

When he opens the door, Harry spots Louis on the sofa. The boy is lying on his back, his head propped up on a pillow as he’s scrolling through his phone. A slight vanilla scent is filling the room and Harry can’t hide a smile. It’s is only illuminated by both floor lamps and the fairy lights. Louis usually doesn’t like dimmed lights, scented candles and all that stuff. Of all things, he hates the candles most. Harry knows Louis did that for him and it warms his heart. “Hey Lou,” Harry says as he’s walking toward him. He flops down next to the older boy who nuzzles close to Harry immediately. Harry puts his arm around his boyfriend to pull him closer.

“I fucking missed you,” Louis mumbles, letting out a sigh. He puts his hand onto Harry’s chest and scratches it slightly through the fabric.

Harry pulls back a little, just enough for him to cup Louis’ chin and tilt it up so that he can look him in the eyes. “All I wanted was to hold you again,” Harry answers with a smile. “I can’t believe you’re here.” He presses a cute kiss onto Louis’ nose and smiles. Louis nods as he gives Harry a smile back. Harry scans Louis’ face, biting his lower lip. Has Louis always looked so cute? Harry's eyes fix the three freckles next to his nose before Louis puts his hands around Harry’s neck to pull him close for a kiss.

"Where's your band?" Louis asks suddenly.

"I don't know?" Harry answers. He looks into Louis’ blue eyes and puts his hand onto his cheek. “I don’t care where they are as long as . . . as long as you are with me,” he says quietly, caressing Louis’ cheek with his thumb. "Stop thinking about them,” Harry adds and closes his eyes again, leaning forward until his lips brush against Louis' carefully. He teases Louis a little bit before he kisses him properly. "I missed you so much," Harry breathes into the kiss what makes Louis bury his hands into Harry's hair. He pulls Harry closer so that he slowly hoovers over him, putting his hands on both sides of Louis’ head, not breaking the kiss. Kissing Louis has always been a wonderful experience and even after such a long time it still feels special: warm and soft, sexy and hot, familiar but yet exciting and new. It’s not hard for Harry to forget everything around him until a sudden bang interrupts their intimacy.

Harry pulls away from Louis quickly and Louis tries to sit up but of course the situation is obvious. Harry’s face gets hot as he notices Mark appearing under the doorframe. "That's exactly what I wanted to see in here," he growls sarcastically as he’s glaring at Harry and Louis.

"You could have knocked," Louis fires back as he sits down on the sofa properly.

"Who are you to tell me what to do?!" Mark yells enraged as he’s walking toward Louis. “This is a dressing room, not a dubious gay bar!" he spits.

"Stop insulting us,” Harry replies angrily and frowns. “We’ve just kissed, nothing happened.” Suddenly he feels Louis' hand on the small of his back. Harry gives him a smile and puts his hand onto Louis’ thigh, squeezing it. He’s thankful for his small gesture. Mark only huffs and opens his mouth to answer but someone speaks through the walkie-talkie and he presses the button to reply.

“Yeah . . . okay,” Mark says into the speaker, “will do so . . . alright . . . yes, yes. I know . . . that shouldn’t be a problem.”

After Mark has finished talking, he turns toward Harry. "Tell Sarah to have a look at her drum set. There’s something wrong with her base drum and they want to fix it,” he demands.

Harry frowns since it’s not his job to give orders to his bandmates. But he knows Mark does that only to annoy him and Louis. "You could have said that a little bit friendlier, don’t you think so?" Harry replies. Louis presses his head against Harry’s back and chuckles.

Mark rolls his eyes in annoyance. "I don't have time for meaningless phrases, Styles," he answers. "It's your show, not mine and if you want it to be a good one you better go and get her.” Mark glares at Harry. “Please," he adds sarcastically, giving Harry a fake smile before he leaves.

"God he's such a dick," Louis groans, covering his face with his hands.

"He is," Harry sighs and gets up. “I'm going to get Sarah."

Louis takes his hand. "Don't go," he says. “I need you here with me.”

Harry gives Louis a smile and kisses his forehead. "I'll be back in a few minutes, don't worry. We still have enough time until the show starts."

"You're mean," Louis mumbles as Harry pulls his hand away from him. He lets himself fall back against the backrest of the sofa.

"And you're pouty like a baby,” Harry replies playfully, ruffling through Louis’ hair.

"I _am_ your baby."

Harry lets out a laugh. "How cute you are! Well, yes . . . that's true." He bends down to give Louis another kiss. Before Harry walks out of the room he turns around again. Louis looks so adorable but also sexy as fuck. He smirks at him while he walks back toward him, tilts Louis’ head up so that the older boy has no choice than getting up until they until he stands in front of Harry, so close to each other that Harry's lips are only inches away from Louis. "I promise, I won't be away for long but . . . I have to check on Sarah before we . . . before we start doing the dirty in here," he half whispers against Louis’ mouth. Louis wants to kiss him but Harry pulls back with a smirk. “Stay patient,” Harry breathes against Louis’ ear, making sure his lips touch the skin. He can’t ignore the warm feeling that’s pooling in the pit of his stomach.

"I can't wait for you to come back," Louis tells Harry as he pushes his hips forward and grabs Harry's butt with both of his hands.

Harry gives Louis a quick, sloppy kiss before he pulls back. "You're such a pervert," he states, giving Louis a mischievous grin.

"Don't play the innocent here. It wasn't me who was caught wanking during our last tour so don't try to blame me."

"Oh god,” Harry moans, “don't mention that . . . it was embarrassing.”

"And hot," Louis adds and winks at Harry.

"Okay, okay,” Harry replies, holding his hands up. “I'll be back in a few. Stay here, okay?"

Louis lets out a sarcastic laugh. "I'm not allowed to go anywhere anyway."

"Thank god," Harry replies jokingly and leaves the dressing room. He walks straight to the catering area where he spots his bandmates sitting around a table. "Hey guys," Harry addresses his bandmates, “what are you up to?”

"Sarah’s kitchen team tried out a new cheesecake recipe and we couldn't resist," Adam answers as he shoves a huge piece into his mouth.

"This one is fantastic. Moist, not to sweet . . . a real masterpiece,” Sarah says with her mouth full. “You should try it, it’s delicious.”

Harry gives Sarah a smile. “I think I’m convinced. I’ll try it.”

"Don't you want to sit down with us? Is something wrong?" Clare asks as she pours milk into her coffee.

Harry shakes his head. "Louis is waiting for me," he answers quietly, tilting his head into the direction of the entrance.

"Oh how stupid I am,” Clare says, shaking her head. “Sorry, I forgot that he's here tonight.”

“How could you forget Linda’s fifteen minutes sermon about Harry and Louis,” Sarah chuckles as she gets up to get another piece of cake. Clare chuckles too as she pours more hot coffee into her mug.

Harry gives the girls a smile. “You figured,” he smiles but then turns toward Sarah. “The main reason why I’m here is you,” Harry tells her. “They need you on stage. Something’s wrong with your drum set.”

"Oh okay,” Sarah nods. “Thank you for telling me. Should I go there now?”

“Yeah,” Harry answers. He takes a plate off the buffet table.

“Okay then,” Sarah says as she walks past Harry, squeezing his shoulder.

“You’re welcome.” Harry puts two pieces of cake onto the plate and walks back to the dressing room where he finds Louis lying on the sofa lazily, typing something into his phone. "Hey Lou, I brought you some cake. Look!" Harry says with a smile on his face as he holds up the plate, winking at his boyfriend.

Louis looks up from his phone. As he spots the cake, he gets up into a seating position and puts the phone onto the table. "Cool! It looks delicious!"

"Seems like it," Harry replies as he sits down next to Louis and gives him a quick kiss on his cheek. "Have you missed me?" he asks jokingly.

"Of course I have. Now give me the cake!"

"What?" Harry laughs. "You’re more interested in the cake than me?"

"Only for now," Louis jokes as he tries to reach the plate but Harry pulls it away playfully.

"Only for now?” he repeats, frowning at Louis. “You have to earn that my friend, it’s not that easy!" he says seriously, pushing the plate far away on the table so that Louis can’t reach it from where he is seated.

"Who says that?” Louis asks with a funny undertone.

“I do.”

“So?”

"Yeah," Harry insists.

"Well then," Louis says as he gets up from his seating position, "what about this?” He puts his left knee on the sofa besides Harry's legs, straddling his lap. Harry bites his lip in anticipation as Louis puts his hand onto Harry's chest and pushes him back. The older boy moves closer to Harry's body, steadying himself by putting the hands onto the backrest of the sofa. He lowers his head until it's only inches away from Harry's.

Harry can feel Louis’ breathing against his lips and a slight tingle tickles in his lower tummy. Louis' eyes look sinful as they scan Harry's face until they rest on his lips. Louis touches them gently with his before he lets his tongue run over them what makes Harry open his mouth a bit. Louis kisses Harry with his tongue, gently massaging Harry's and of course, Harry kisses Louis back eagerly. The kiss feels warm, hot and sexy – all at once. Harry digs his fingertips into Louis' muscular thighs he loves so much and pulls him closer. The older boy reacts, grinding against Harry's crotch slowly what makes Harry kiss Louis harder. He’s getting aroused and he can already feel his length harden. A little moan escapes his mouth although he wasn't intending that but the feeling Louis is giving him doesn’t allow him to stay quiet.

"Does that count or do you need more," Louis breathes into Harry's ear, slightly touching it with his lips - just as Harry did to him a few minutes ago. Louis' actions send shivers down Harry's spine since his ears are damn sensitive, much more sensitive than Louis’. Harry gulps and bites his lip as Louis’ breath keeps hitting his ear. "Why aren't you talking darling?" Louis asks playfully, giving Harry’s ear a short lick before he leans in for a quick, sloppy kiss that makes Harry want more. He pushes his hands under Louis' shirt and lets them slide over the soft skin, shaking his head.

"I don't think it's enough," Harry whispers as he leans in for another kiss. When he squeezes Louis' length, Louis lets out a small whimper and buries his hands into Harry’s curls. Since Louis is wearing sweatpants he’s basically inviting him to do so.

"You dirty little fucker," Louis smirks as he pulls back for a second before he crashes his lips onto Harry’s again, kissing him hard. Harry presses his lips together as he gets up with Louis on his lap and hovers over him quickly so the boy doesn't have time to think.

"I think someone is excited," Harry whispers into Louis' ear before he places kisses on his neck and bites the soft skin gently. Louis turns his head a little bit to the right to give Harry more access to the sensitive area and Harry does what he knows Louis wants. He bites, nibbles and licks over the skin again and again, making Louis squirm a little under his body while he’s still grinding against Harry with a steady rhythm. The little noises that escape Louis’ mouth tell Harry that he enjoys it a lot. Harry loves when he gets those reactions from Louis, he loves to hear him moaning and whimpering. Those sounds turn him on even more and while Harry sucks a bruise into Louis’ neck, he pushes his crotch harder against Louis’ a little what makes Louis moan quietly. "Do you want me to touch you?" he asks and looks deep into Louis’ eyes.

Louis grabs Harry's hair hard and pulls him close to kiss him again. "Touch me," he pleas, “please touch me already.” Harry raises his eyebrows and smirks at Louis. He moves his right hand down Louis’ torso until he reaches Louis waistband where he lets his fingers run along the fabric, not touching Louis’ bulge on purpose. "No teasing baby, please!" Louis whines as he pushes his hips up to meet Harry’s hand.

Harry chuckles. "I love when you’re needy,” he tells him and gives him a quick kiss, leaving his hand where it is. “How can I resist teasing you!”

“Harry!” Louis whines.

“Okay love, hold on." Harry's eyes never leave Louis' as he pushes his hand beyond the waistband, touching Louis through the fabric of his pants. "Like this?" he asks and kisses the boy who's just nodding as an answer. Harry rubs Louis slowly, not putting too much pressure into his touch.

***

"Oh Adam, you're terrible!" a female voice laughs as the door is being opened. "You alw-," Clare suddenly stops talking as she spots Harry and Louis on the sofa. "Sorry . . . um . . . oh god . . . I . . . I," she stutters, her face red. The other bandmates look a bit shocked too when they enter the room.

At least Harry could manage to pull his hand out of Louis’ sweatpants in the short amount of time between noticing the handle being pushed down and the band bursting into the room - but the position they're in tells everything. There's no room for excuses, absolutely none. "Sorry," Harry mumbles as he gets off Louis. Louis’ hair is ruffled, his cheeks are red and his bulge is definitely showing if someone looked at him. Shit. There's uncomfortable silence in the room for a few seconds but it feels like minutes.

Clare walks toward Harry and squeezes his shoulder. "I'm sorry that we burst in," she excuses herself. “We should have knocked.”

Harry shakes his head. " _I'm_ sorry, we shouldn't have-," he speaks but Clare interrupts him.

"No, no . . . it’s . . . it’s all good.” She shoots him a shy smile. “We just wanted to go through the set list again," she explains, “and talk about the changes you told us about the day before yesterday.”

Harry gets up and gives Clare a hug. Her body feels stiff. "Hey,” he says, rubbing her back, “you don't need to justify anything. It's not my private room, it’s our fault.”

"Still,” Clare states as she turns toward Louis. “Sorry Louis.”

Louis gives her a smile as he adjusts his position. "It's all good, don't worry."

Clare nods and sits down next to Harry while Adam and Mitch sit down on the other sofa and Sarah flops down onto the armchair. She pulls out the set list and they start discussing Harry’s ideas for a few minutes.

After they have finished, Clare and the others start telling each other stories from their last tour experiences. While they’re talking and joking around, Harry puts his arm around Louis’ waist to hold him close. The atmosphere is a nice one but Harry can feel Louis’ body tense. "What's wrong love?" he asks him quietly, letting his hand rub up and down his back.

"Nothing," Louis answers. He leans against the backrest of the sofa and lets his head fall back. He just stares at the ceiling without talking.

Harry bends his left leg and turns his body toward him. "Tell me what’s wrong, come on,” he demands, rubbing Louis’ thigh.

Louis sighs and tilts his head toward Harry. "I just . . . I want to be alone with you,” he whispers as he bends his head. “Only with you.”

Harry caresses Louis’ cheek for a few seconds. "I know it sucks."

"Can't we go somewhere else?"

"We shouldn’t be seen together.”

“Linda’s stupid rules,” Louis hisses with a defiant tone. “I don't care. We're backstage – I mean what could happen? Your team knows and most of the people are busy anyway. They won't stare at two boys walking down a more or less bad illuminated hallway, don’t you think so?"

Harry chuckles. "Yeah, you’re right,” Harry agrees. He gets up and Louis does the same. When Louis wants to take Harry's hand, the boy pulls away. "I don't think we should do this," he states and points toward the door.

Louis mumbles something as they leave the room but he keeps his distance. As Louis said, there are only a few people walking around in the hallway but clearly not for fun but for work. Security guards, stage technicians, roadies and other people Harry doesn’t know. Of course he knows everyone who’s in his crew but in every city there are other people involved in his shows: people who work at the arenas and people who have to be hired because of the amount of work. "I know where we could go," Harry tells Louis as they walk around a corner. "When I arrived here I noticed a small, unlocked cleaning room or whatever it was at the end of this hallway, somewhere near the backstage entrance.”

"Sounds like one of those fanfictions I discovered two days ago," Louis chuckles as he squeezes Harry's shoulder.

Harry frowns. "Are you serious? You read one of those?”

"I know it's kind of insane but the one I finished was pretty hot and I thought of trying things out with you since it gave me ideas," Louis smirks and wiggles his eyebrows. "I swear I nearly got hard by reading about your looks, sexy and seducing and all." Suddenly Louis stops walking. He glances around but there’s nobody around in this part of the hallway so he steps closer to Harry, puts his hands onto his hips and leans in for a kiss. "God you taste so good," Louis whispers, “so good.” Harry lets his tongue brush against Louis’ lips and puts his arms around Louis' hips to pull him closer to his body.

"What the fuck! Are you out of your mind?" a male voice yells, startling Harry and Louis. Mark.

“Shit,” Harry hisses as he pulls away from Louis. He stares at the dark haired man who’s walking toward them, taking long strides. "Fucking stop this shit in the middle of the hallway! Are you insane?" The man's face is red and his neck vein is showing as he comes closer, his fists balled in anger. "For fuck's sake Styles, what did Linda tell you? Can't you think straight for just one second?" he says, lowering his voice.

Harry doesn't answer. Deep inside the anger is boiling but Harry knows he’s perfect at pulling off poker faces whenever it’s needed. "And you," Mark growls at Louis, pointing his index finger toward him, "I don't want to see you outside this dressing room again and you Styles, you stop behaving like a teenager! Do you have an idea what would happen if someone saw you together? Linda told you something, is that so hard to remember? You are supposed to follow the rules! Do you want to put your career on the line?"

Harry takes a deep breath but stays quiet. He's pissed at Mark, he’s pissed at the rules, at everything but he bites his tongue and he hopes Louis will do the same. "Now fuck off and go back,” Mark snarls. "I don't want to see you outside this room together again!"

When Harry and Louis are about to turn around and walk away, Mark grabs Harry's shoulder rudely in order to hold him back. "What did I just say about not being seen together?" he hisses harshly.

"Oh my fucking god Mark - stop touching me!” Harry yells at the man, trying to escape his strong grip. Harry exercises a lot and he's gotten stronger during the last year but still, Mark definitely is on another level of fitness and strength. He worked as a bodyguard for several celebrities before – no wonder he holds him in place without much effort. “It hurts.”

"You’re such a baby" Mark growls but pulls his hand away eventually. "And you fuck off now!" he shouts at Louis, gesturing for him to leave. As Louis doesn't budge, he makes another rude gesture. "Go! Stop staring at me! Go!"

Harry gives Louis a sign to do so and Louis obeys. As Harry watches Louis walking away, he feels sorry for him. He doesn’t deserve to be treated like that. "Why can't you be nice for two seconds," Harry remarks quietly. “You didn’t have to talk to him like that.”

"Follow the rules and I'm going to be nice," Mark answers.

Harry sighs. "Can I go now?" he asks but Mark shakes his head.

"No. Stay here. I don't want to risk more than you already have. You two are like children who are told no but they won’t listen. I'm not your fucking babysitter, Styles."

"I'm twenty-four!” Harry insists. “I can take care of myself, thanks," Harry fires back, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"I don't care how old you are as long as you aren't following the rules."

"I'm sick of hiding," Harry mumbles.

"Not my problem Styles," Mark responds. "And now fuck off."

***

When Harry enters the dressing room, he closes the door shut with a loud bang. He's so pissed at his situation with Louis, he’s angry at Linda, the rules and most of all Mark’s behavior.

"What's wrong?" Sarah asks, looking up from the book she is reading.

Harry lets air flow through his lips and lets his fingers run through his hair. "I'm just pissed because I can’t have a normal relationship with my boyfriend,” he growls as he flops down next to Louis. “We’re not allowed to be seen together outside this room and it would be best if Louis wasn’t seen at all. That’s basically it." Louis puts one arm around Harry and pulls him close so that his head rests on his chest. "I'm sick of it," he mumbles as Louis leans his head onto his. “I’m so sick of this hide-and-seek game they’re forcing us to play.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Sarah answers, lowering her book.

Harry lets out a sigh and nuzzles closer to Louis's chest. He stares at the floor in front of him. It feels so good to be with Louis, to enjoy the warmth of his body and being close to him but it’s not the same when there are other people around.

"I'm sorry," Sarah says quietly.

"Thank you Sarah. It’s not your fault," Harry replies. He puts his hand onto Louis’ chest and draws circles with his index finger. “I wish we be a normal couple," he sighs. Louis kisses his hair and leans his head against Harry’s.

"You two are so cute together," Clare remarks with a gentle smile. "I wish I could do something for you."

Harry gives her a small smile. “Thank you, that’s lovely.” He nuzzles closer to Louis and closes his eyes, wishing he could stay like this forever. The quiet voices of his bandmates, the rustle of Sarah’s turning pages, Louis’ breathing and all the other quiet noises calm Harry down to the point of where he almost falls asleep – for the second time that day.


	6. Before the show

"Harry, Harry," a female voice says quietly, coming from far away. "Wake up." Suddenly Harry feels someone touching his arm slightly. He opens his eyes slowly, squinting at Sarah. Harry mumbles something and closes his eyes again, nuzzling against Louis' chest. He hears a little chuckle then someone touches his arm again. "I'm sorry but you have to get up."

"Oh nooooo," Harry groans as he moves his head a little bit, just enough to cover his face with his hands. He feels dizzy from sleeping and too comfy to get up. "I don't want to."

"I'm very sorry to interrupt you sleep kitties," Sarah says with a smile, "but we have to get ready for the show. It’s almost half past eight."

Louis yawns and sits up a bit what makes Harry get up from his chest. "Okay," he sighs quietly as he gets into a sitting position, rubbing his face. "Seems like we really fell asleep," he mumbles. Louis kisses Harry’s temple and squeezes his shoulder.

"See you in a few," Sarah tells Harry and leaves the room.

"I wish I wouldn't have to go," Harry tells Louis when they're alone.

Louis kisses Harry's forehead and wraps his arms around him. "I want you to stay here with me too," he whispers against his neck, placing soft kisses onto it.

"I can't."

"You look beautiful with that black shirt and your messy hair, you don't need to dress differently and shit," Louis smiles.

Harry lets out a cute chuckle. "Thanks baby," he answers, "but people wouldn't love to see that."

"Oh I bet they would," Louis replies. "You look beautiful no matter what."

Harry sighs. "You don't make it easy for me to leave. You know that, don’t you?"

"I know," Louis smirks and winks at Harry before he straddles Harry’s lap again and cups his face into the palms of his hands. "Please kiss me before you go?" he half asks, half demands.

Harry nods as he pulls Louis close by his neck. He closes his eyes, enjoying the soft feeling when Louis’ lips touch his. When they pull away, Louis gets off Harry’s lap. "I'd love to watch the concert from the VIP section," he states.

"Linda doesn't want that."

"I know. But seriously, I give a fuck about what she wants," Louis growls.

"I mean . . . you could try to get to the VIP section that's right in front of the B-stage secretly, maybe while the concert is in full swing," Harry suggests. “So I could sing our song to you.”

"Our song?” Louis chuckles. “Almost every song of yours is about us.” As Harry opens his mouth to answer, Louis puts his finger in front of his mouth. "And . . . “Medicine” is my favorite, by the way."

"Why am I not surprised?" Harry chuckles then pauses. "You know what I mean."

"Of course I know baby, two hearts in one home and shit. I love the two songs you sing on the B-stage." Louis kisses Harry again. "I promise I won't look away for a second," he nearly whispers, "even if I wanted to, I couldn't anyway."

"I love you," Harry tells Louis and kisses his temple. "I'm going to miss you on stage," he says with a small pout.

Louis rubs Harry’s back gently. "I'm going to miss you too, trust me. And now go before Mark gets furious again about you not being in time."

"Where do you know that from?" Harry asks astonished.

"I heard him shouting when you arrived. God I hate him."

"He's also not my favorite person but at least . . . he's good at his job.” Harry lets out a sigh. "Alright love, see you later.” He kisses Louis again. Before he leaves the room, Harry turns around again and winks. “And . . . behave,” he tells Louis who flips him off playfully.

 


	7. The show

A few minutes before the concert starts, Harry and his band are standing close to the stage, wishing each other luck. Mabel has already left the stage and the intro for Harry’s show is playing. Harry walks a few steps away from his bandmates, bows his head and closes his eyes for a few seconds. He needs the concentration, even if he only does it for a few seconds. When they started with One Direction he always needed some time for himself. It usually calms him but not today. The fact that Louis is in the venue makes him proud but nervous at the same time. Today, Harry is going to sing the songs he wrote about Louis to him, all of them. Live.

Soon, the intro comes to an end and the music changes when the band walks on stage. It gets louder, indicating that the show is going to start. As usual, the fans cheer and scream and Harry feels excited to go out there and rock the show. He gives a thumb up to his band before the huge, round video wall is pulled up and everything is absolutely drowning in noise.

The show starts off well and “Only angel” turned out to be the perfect start for this tour since it’s not too slow but also not too much of an up-tempo song. From the first second of the show, the crowd gives Harry chills. He loves watching people singing and dancing during his songs, most of all because it makes them happy (he can see it in their faces) and it makes him happy too. The cheers and screams are so loud that he can even hear them through his in-ears while performing. During the show, Harry can't stop thinking of Louis watching him. He wonders if he has he managed to get into the VIP section? Or is he still in the dressing room?

When Harry thanks everyone who's working on the show he decides to mention Louis – not his name of course but . . . Harry has an idea. “Before we continue with the show I want to stop for a few second and thank all the people who are involved.” The crowd cheers. “There wouldn't be a show without you and . . . there are a lot of people you don't see . . . they are backstage!" Harry basically yells the word “backstage” to emphasize the meaning of it. He hopes that those who want to understand will understand what he means. But most important he wonders if Louis noticed. The crowd’s cheering gets louder while Harry’s last part of the sentence what makes him smirk. He smiles into the camera in front of him and winks, hoping that Louis will see it.

Harry gets very nervous before walking over to the B-stage this time. There he is going to perform two of the most important songs, two songs that carry so much meaning that it even hurts Harry to think about performing them: “Sweet Creature" and "If I could fly".

When Harry plays the first chords of “Sweet Creature”, his gaze wanders up to the VIP section. He wants to know if he can spot Louis but it’s difficult because of the lights and everything. After a few seconds Harry spots Louis’ on the right side of the VIP area. He’s leaning against the wall, holding something in his hand. Harry can’t hide a smile into his direction as he finishes the song. It's very hard to spot Louis because it's quite dark around him but Harry knows the shape of his body, his hair, everything. It's him. Harry is happy that Louis made it and he sings his heart out to him. At the end of the song Harry smiles widely into Louis’ direction and Louis shows Harry thumbs up what makes his heart flutter. He’s so proud of him, he’s so proud of being his.

Before Harry performs the next song, he looks up toward the VIP area. He bites his lip, trying not to smile. The song means so much to Harry and he can feel his voice tremble a little while he sings it. When it comes to Louis' part of "If I could fly", Harry pauses for a few seconds and asks the crowd to be silent. Louis’ part (I've got scars, even though they can't always be seen and pain gets hard, but now you're here and I don't feel a thing) is so special because the words are literally true, very, very true and those few lines sum everything up, everything both of them are feeling. That’s why Harry decided to change the way he sings this part. He has already done that during the other shows and he knows that the fans are speculating about the reasons. It makes him proud that his fans try to understand what’s going on behind closed doors. It hurts him that he can’t be honest with the people he performs for but at least, some of them know.

After the song has finished, the cheers and screams of the audience are remarkably louder. Harry has noticed that during his last two concerts and he thinks it’s because the people believe the songs are about them. Harry has read different theories online and he’s convinced they do it because of that. Also, he has read a lot of comments below the posts that prove they’re clever people who make up their own mind than believing the bullshit that has been circulating in the media for years. Knowing that his fans are dedicated and enduring gives Harry strength and hope, as dramatically as it sounds – but it’s true.

Harry has a wide smile on his face again when he thanks his fans, his hand clutched to his heart. They will never know how much it means to Harry that they don’t stop believing in Louis and his relationship and also he’s thankful for the ones who don’t necessary believe in them but love the music. He’s incredibly thankful and that’s why he repeats that over and over again at every concert, every night. Harry looks up toward Louis and gives him the sweetest smile. He blows air kisses up and Louis does the same. Seeing Louis up there makes Harry’s heart burst with pride and affection toward him. He gives him another cute smile and blows a kiss up – nevertheless everyone in that block could think the kiss was for them but Harry doesn’t mind.

Since the first concert in Basel, Harry always wanted to sing those two songs directly to Louis. He wanted to sing them in front of the crowd, in front of everyone. The situation reminds him of 1DDay where he managed to sing “Little things” to Louis. After that, the fans talked about that incidence a lot and Harry was proud that he had made it. They didn’t get an hour to host together back then although everyone in the band had the possibility to host with everyone (Zayn with Liam, Liam with Niall, Niall with Harry, Louis with Zayn, Harry with Liam…) but only Harry wasn’t allowed to host with Louis because of their stupid management. Harry thought of what he could do. When he made the decision to sing “Little things” for Louis, he felt powerful. It was a revenge that gave him relief - even if it was only noticed by a small part of the fandom. Now that it has happened again, Harry is the happiest person in the world.

After stepping off the B-stage, Harry has kind of gotten more energy because of Louis watching him. At the end of “Kiwi”, Harry spits the water as usual and runs off stage quickly.


	8. After the show

Harry’s driver is waiting for him right in front of the backstage entrance. Usually, Harry is the first person who leaves the venue before everyone else does. Years ago he got stuck in a traffic jam shortly after a concert and this incidence turned out into a very, very dangerous situation for Harry, the driver and all the other road users so his team thought it was better if he left as quickly as possible to not cause any trouble.

It's not a nice feeling to end the show like that and run away while the band is still playing and the fans are cheering and screaming but there's no other way for him to stay safe.

In the car, Harry messages Louis that he's on the way back to the hotel but he doesn’t get a respond. He tries to call Louis but the phone goes directly to voice message. What’s wrong? Harry starts worrying about Louis and practically storms into his hotel room to make sure he’s in there but he’s not. Where is he?

As Harry passes the huge mirror on the wall, he takes a quick look. He is still wearing his concert outfit: black, silky flared trousers with light frills at both ends, a silky crème shirt that practically consists of frills only and a black vest. It's one of his favorite outfits because it's definitely different, more feminine and light and not the usual suit style. But right now, he doesn't care about how he looks. All he wants is to find Louis but as he’s about to leave the room, he stops and thinks. He was the first one to leave the venue, maybe Louis will arrive in the next minutes? But what if he also left earlier for whatever reason?

Harry takes a deep breath as he sits down on the bed and looks around the room. He should learn to be more patient. Maybe Louis' phone ran out of battery. Maybe he lost his phone, who knows. Maybe Louis isn’t looking at it because he is talking to someone. About twenty minutes later, nothing has happened and Harry is getting impatient again. Louis should have been here by now, definitely. The venue isn’t that far from the hotel, just about fifteen or twenty minutes if there’s much traffic. Their team usually makes sure everyone leaves shortly after the concert because the rent for the venues is very high so Harry can’t imagine that Louis is still at the venue. To be sure, Harry calls Sarah and Adam but they assure him that they haven't seen Louis after the show. Harry calls Louis again with the same result as a few minutes ago. What should he do?

It’s already half past eleven so there won’t be many people walking around in the hallways and even if they were, Harry wouldn’t care. Although he’s famous, there are people who still don’t know or recognize him. He is sure that there won’t be fans in this hotel since they usually can't afford those hotels he's staying in since they're five star hotels. Plus, his team always rents a whole floor for themselves, for security reasons. Harry takes the hotel room card out of the slot and leaves. He takes the elevator to the bar and the lobby but there's not a single person anywhere except for the receptionists who seem slightly bored. Maybe he should ask them for help?

Just as Harry is about to walk over, he stops. He shouldn’t draw extra attention to himself. Harry asks himself if Louis could be in the garage and out of all ideas he had, that one sounds dumb and unrealistic but Harry wants to look for him everywhere just in case if something has happened. It’s cold in the garage and Harry doesn’t feel comfortable at all. It smells like motor oil and tires and being alone with cars and who knows who scares him a little bit. “Louis?” he says quietly, the echo intensifying his voice. Nobody answers. Harry thinks to himself he’s crazy. What should Louis do down here on his own? But where could he be?

Harry sighs as he steps into the elevator again. What if Louis was in a room with some team members or his bandmates? But they would have told him for sure and Louis doesn’t know any of Harry’s team members except for Mark. Harry knows Louis would never hang out with Mark. The boy shakes his head to himself and pushes his hair back. There's only one other possibility which also seems unrealistic but whatever. Harry walks back to the elevator and presses the button that brings him up to the roof terrace.

Harry walks along the short hallway and opens the door to the rooftop terrace. It's windy up there and quite dark although some of the lights are still switched on. The tables and sofas are empty, of course and the huge plants that are put all over the place swing back and forth slowly, making a rustling sound. "Louis?" Harry asks quietly, scanning the whole place. The wind starts blowing stronger and makes Harry shiver. His outfit is thin and he’s freezing. The boy walks around the corner and there, near the plunge pool he can see someone sitting on the floor – or at least it seems like a person. What if that was some creep? Someone who just slept on the rooftop?

“Louis?” Harry asks quietly, not getting a response. He walks further around the pool and really, there he is. Louis is kneeling on the floor, a bottle of what seems to be alcohol in his right hand, a cigarette in his left hand. One empty beer bottle is upturned on the floor next to him. The other one is still full.

“Louis!” Harry says worried as he’s walking over to his boyfriend. “Baby what are you doing here? What happened?” He squats down to rub Louis’ shoulder. His gaze wanders to the half empty vodka bottle in Louis’ hand. Harry can feel his cheeks getting hot. “Are you trying to kill yourself?” he says loudly, trying to take the bottle away from Louis but he won’t let him. Instead he takes another gulp, followed by a long drag of his cigarette.

When Louis looks at Harry for a second, Harry thinks he looks miserable. His eyes are practically dead, the sparkle they usually hold isn’t showing. Louis isn’t reacting at all. He is just staring straight forward. His miserable state hurts Harry deep inside. “Baby what . . . what happened? Why are you here?” he tries again but Louis won’t answer. “Let’s go back to our room, okay?” Harry’s voice is soft as he lets his hand run through Louis’ hair. He presses a kiss onto the boys’ temple but Louis doesn’t budge. “Please, we only have this night toge-,” Harry speaks but suddenly, Louis interrupts him harshly as he gets up and throws the bottle of vodka against the floor so that it scatters into pieces. Harry watches the liquid spill, filling every single crack of the wooden floor.

“That’s exactly the problem here!” Louis yells his face close to Harry’s. His eyes are wide, he smells like cigarettes and alcohol what makes Harry move away from him a little. “We never have time for each other! We can never be together without people interrupting us, no matter what the fuck we are doing!” Louis’ voice is so loud that Harry is afraid someone could hear him and call the police or something.

“Please Lou, please calm down!” Harry tries to calm him but he’s too enraged to listen, obviously. “People could hear you,” Harry tries again.

Louis lets out a fake laugh. “That’s the only thing you care about, don’t you? That other people could hear us, that they could discover you’re _gay_! All you worry about is your career not to be ruined! Is this all you care about?” The boy shakes his head as he takes two quick drags of his cigarette.

Harry just stands there, staring at the tipsy boy in front of him. He’s not exactly wasted or heavily drunk but it’s enough for Harry to worry about him. “No, no of course not but-,” he tries to answer but Louis won’t let him talk.

“Of course not, of course not,” Louis mocks Harry and turns around, leaning onto the cold stone wall. “That’s all you can say here right? All you care about _is_ your career, your fans, your band and what about me? You give a shit about me, Harry! While you’re touring the world I’m sitting at home, wondering what I could do next! My shitty team is only holding me back but Mr. Styles is perfect, of course! Mr. Styles always comes first.”

“It’s not true,” Harry replies. Louis’ words hurt him so much but he knows he doesn’t mean them. He just knows what doesn’t make the pain go away.

“It is. I really hate you!” Louis spits.

Harry gulps hard. “You don’t mean that,” Harry almost whispers.

“Of course I do, Mr. Perfect,” Louis growls, exhaling the smoke into the dark night.

Harry sighs as he steps closer to Louis and leans onto the cold wall too. They both stare into the dark, listening to the sounds that come from the streets. Harry doesn’t look at Louis as he speaks. “I’m . . . I’m not perfect and . . .  you know that,” he says quietly, trying not to add fuel to the fire. “Please stop hurting me.”

“Hurting you?” Louis mocks, facing Harry. “Hurting you? Are you serious? It was you who left me alone in that fucking dressing room!”

“I had no other choice,” Harry replies.

“We never had and will never have another choice,” Louis yells. “We never have anything. You don’t even have proper clothes to wear, look at you!”

“What’s wrong with my outfit? It’s my show outfit! I wanted to find you first, I didn’t care in what outfit I would find you!” Oh god. This is terrible. Harry can’t remember when it was the last time they fought like this.

Louis doesn’t pay attention to Harry at all. “Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror? You look like a fool, like a crazy person!” Louis growls, tilting his head up into Harry’s direction and lets out a fake laugh. “Ridiculous.”

Harry’s face falls – that was enough. He can’t take Louis’ insults anymore, the words he’s blurting out hurt him too much. He feels as if Louis is ripping his heart out of his chest, trying to crush it in one go. Harry stays silent. He bows his head as he’s walking away without saying anything. It’s so hard for him not to cry.

“You have no idea what you’re saying,” he whispers into Louis’ direction but the boy isn’t even looking at him. Maybe he didn’t even hear him. On his way to the hotel room Harry can’t forget Louis’ words. They circle in his mind and give him a headache, tugging at his heart. The pain burns like fire and the feeling of being helpless and hurt overcome Harry when he enters his room. He sits down on his bed, his eyes filled with tears as he tries to breathe slowly, telling himself that Louis just drunk too much and didn’t mean what he said.

Harry sighs. He takes a quick shower, brushes his teeth and changes into a black shirt and fresh boxers. A few minutes later, there’s a loud knock on the door. If that’s Louis, Harry has no idea how he will react. He doesn’t even know if he wants to see him right now, if he would yell at him or just let him enter the room. Harry decides to stay quiet and not open the door but the person knocks again, harder this time. “Open the door Styles! Immediately or I’ll kick it in!”

Shit. That’s Mark. Harry feels a queasy feeling in his stomach as he walks over to the door and opens it. Mark doesn’t look friendly at all, as usual. He storms into the room and starts ranting in such a loud voice that Harry is afraid he could wake up everyone around them. “Please lower your voice,” Harry begs, gulping the tears down that are wetting his eyes.

“I’m not going to lower my voice Styles! Here!” Mark throws his phone onto Harry’s bed. “Read!”

Harry picks the phone up, a queasy feeling in his stomach. He spots a post that contains two tweets about Louis being at the venue and a picture Sarah took. “What do you want me to do now?” Harry asks.

“What I want you to do?” Mark repeats frowning. His face is red, his eyes flinty and cold, staring at Harry as if he had murdered someone.

Harry can practically feel his blood boiling inside of him. Mark steps closer to Harry and lowers his face so that he invades Harry’s personal space. Although Harry takes one step back, Mark follows. “I told you to be careful! Linda told you to be careful!” Mark shouts and shakes his head. “You didn’t listen and here we go! People started talking about Louis and even posted evidence! You think it’s all easy and funny but this might turn out differently! What if this incidence will have a negative effect on your career?” he yells right into Harry’s face. “People think you’re perfect and that’s what your PR team wants! You’re the perfect brand, the absolute perfect brand but soon, it could be over!” He’s so dramatic. Mark nudges his index finger at Harry’s chest over and over again. “God Styles, you have to be more careful and you have to listen what we’re telling you! Is that such a problem?” Harry just shrugs as he turns around and walks toward the window. “How do you dare walking away from me when I talk to you!” Mark shouts, following Harry again. He grabs his shoulder and holds him back so that he has to face Mark. “I swear Styles . . . Louis won’t ever visit you on this tour again. Today was the first and last time!” His eyes are narrow, his look terrifying. “Louis didn’t-,“ he continues but Harry interrupts him.

Suddenly, Harry feels hot and cold waves rushing through his body. “Oh my . . . oh my god Mark . . . have you . . . have you told . . . him . . . that?” the boy stutters. His face feels hot as he takes a few steps back.

“Of course I have,” Mark snorts. He coughs awkwardly and scratches his scalp. “He’s as stubborn as you, doesn’t want to listen.”

“How can you tell him that! He’s sensible, Mark!” Harry yells. “He has been through so much and now you have to hurt him even more by telling him about the risk that I could ruin my career? Are you insane?” Harry can’t and he doesn’t want to contain himself anymore and he doesn’t care if someone hears him.

“Wrong, he’s a lot cooler than you. He took it well,” he repeats, rolling his eyes.

Harry covers his face with the palm of his hand. “He’s not, Mark. He can play the cool quite well and I just know you hurt him terribly!” Harry knows, he just knows. Now he’s totally convinced that this was the reason for Louis’ behavior on the roof. He’s hurt, terribly hurt.

“God Harry, he’s not a baby anymore!” Mark spits. “You two are a pain in the ass!” The man’s voice is still angry but at least he’s not yelling anymore. “Tomorrow around ten Louis is going to leave. He will be taken to the airport, just in case if you wanted to know. Goodnight.” And with these words, Mark leaves the room without waiting for an answer.


	9. One day maybe

Harry exhales audibly as he walks toward the bed. He shakes his head and sits down, burying his hands into his curls. He can’t believe that Mark told Louis all these things. Louis must be heartbroken and intimidated. Usually Louis is a strong person who endures a lot but Harry knows how sensitive and vulnerable he gets when it comes to their relationship. Harry knows. What Mark told him was cruel but in combination with his rude tone and his threatening gestures he must have scared Louis a lot. Harry exhales again as he gets up to pace around the room. He can’t stop thinking of Louis. His reaction was nothing than an expression of how he felt, he was probably trying to process what Mark told him about Harry. Of course Harry is still hurt because of Louis’ words but now that he knows what really happened, his anger toward Louis fades slowly.

Harry stays on his bed for a while. Just as Harry decides to change his clothes to get Louis there’s a knock on his door. Harry can’t believe his eyes: it’s Mark who is pushing Louis into the room rudely. “I found him in the hallway where I told him not to go buy hey . . . just as I said, you two are a pain in the ass and be sure that you are going to face the consequences as you deserve.” Then he turns around and leaves.

Louis doesn’t look at Harry at all. He takes his shoes off, walks over to the bed and sits down. He pulls his phone out and starts scrolling. Harry watches him in silence as he walks over to his side. He just stands there, waiting for Louis to look up but he doesn’t. “Can we talk please?” Harry asks, looking at Louis from where he stands.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Louis answers flatly.

Ouch. Harry sits down on the bed, scooting a little bit closer to Louis. “Do you really think you’re the only one who is hurt?” he asks. Louis doesn’t react. “Is that what you think?” There’s a long pause until Louis looks up from his phone, but only for a second. His look is blank, there’s no expression in his eyes. He bows his head again and types something into his phone. “Have you ever thought of how _I_ feel? Have you ever thought of the fact that I’m hurt too? Do you think seeing pictures of Eleanor and you holding hands and pretending to be all happy make me feel better?” Harry pauses but Louis still doesn’t react. “I hate seeing you with her Louis, I’m hurt too!” Harry raises his voice. He’s close to tears because mentioning Eleanor brings back memories Harry thought he had already forgotten. Bearding has always been one of the major tolerant tests in their relationship.

Harry wipes the corner of his eyes. That wasn’t how he had pictured Louis’ stay. Instead of enjoying their time together they’re insulting each other? What is wrong with them? Harry needs Louis, he needs him so much and time is ticking away. “Should I get drunk too? Would that help?” he yells, wiping a tear away that rolls down his cheek. Louis continues to ignore him.

If Louis doesn’t want to talk, Harry has to accept it although it hurts him endlessly. Harry gets up from the bed and goes into the bathroom. He needs some space and he needs some air to breathe. He opens the window and inhales the fresh air. The sounds of the night calm him down a little bit but just as he thinks he’s alright again his feelings overwhelm him without warning. He breaks out in tears as he stares out of the window, into the dark night.

It feels like hours when Harry leaves the bathroom again. He feels terrible and when he looks at Louis, the pain tugs at his heart. Why can’t their relationship be normal? He knows other couples fight too but over other issues, that’s the main thing. Harry slips under the covers quickly and puts his head on the pillow, his body turned away from Louis. The silence between them is more than uncomfortable; it’s _hurting_ , nearly _suffocating_. The burn in his heart is painful, so incredibly painful that it feels as if his heart was on fire. He lays there for what feels like hours and nothing happens. Harry thinks of talking to Louis but that could be a bad idea. If Louis doesn’t want to talk Harry has to respect it. He has tried before and they ended up screaming and yelling at each other. You can’t force Louis to do things he doesn’t want to do. It’s a fact. Trying to discuss with him could probably make the situation even worse so Harry decides to leave everything as it is. He pulls the covers closer to his body and closes his eyes.

As hard as he tries, Harry can’t sleep but he doesn’t move. After a long while he feels the bed shifting as Louis gets under the covers too. Harry hopes that he would talk to him but he doesn’t. Minutes seem like hours again but nothing happens. Harry tries to sleep but he can’t. He feels hot and cold. Something is keeping him awake although he’s tired as hell. He hears Louis shifting in bed and shortly after that, there’s small sob but maybe it’s just imagination. After a while, Harry hears the sobs again and turns around eventually.

Louis looks devastated. As the older boy opens his mouth to say something, a little sigh escapes his mouth and Harry puts his hand onto Louis’ cheek, caressing it with his thumb. Harry looks at Louis without talking. His eyes are filled with tears and at a certain point, they run down his cheeks, dripping onto the white linen. He’s hurt. “I’m an asshole,” Louis says almost whispering as another tear runs down his face. He gulps and bows his head as he wipes his eyes, exhaling loudly.

Harry stays silent. He looks at Louis and reaches out for his face, putting his hand on Louis’ cheek again. Louis stiffens remarkably at the touch but in the next second, he looks up. His eyes look sad, very sad. Within seconds he breaks out in heavy sobs, his whole body is shaking as Harry moves toward him and props himself up a bit so that Louis can nuzzle onto Harry’s chest. Harry just wraps his arms around him and they stay like this for a while. “I . . . I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Louis sobs. “I was such an asshole, such an asshole. You should hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” Harry replies softly. He kisses Louis’ hair and slides down a bit so that he can lean his head against Louis’. “Mark shouldn’t have talked to you like that and he shouldn’t have said these things to you.” Harry tilts Louis’s head up and presses his lips onto Louis’ softly. “Don’t let him take control over us. There are already too many people who are doing that.”

Louis just nods through his tears and pulls Harry close to kiss him again. “I’m sorry for everything I said to you,” he admits as he gets up to sit down on the bed. Harry sits up too, leaning against the end of the bed. Louis takes his hand in his and looks him in the eyes. He wipes his eyes with his left hand and gulps then takes a deep breath and Harry squeezes his hand.

“I know,” Harry answers. “I know. When Mark told me about everything it was clear you didn’t.”

Louis only nods as he wipes his eyes. “Still, I’m sorry. You know, the concert was so good. You’re such a great entertainer, you did a wonderful job and when you sang to me from that B-stage, I realized how much I love you, how much you mean to me and how much I’d love everyone to know we’re together.” Louis bows his head. “But as it seems, we won’t be allowed to come out anytime soon.”

Harry nods. “It’s cruel. Most of our fans know anyway.”

“They do. So please don’t stop writing songs about us,” Louis says with a smile. “I love them and they love them too.”

“I wouldn’t stop writing songs about you even if we were allowed to come out,” Harry says with a smile and leans in for another kiss. When he pulls back, his facial expression gets serious. “Louis I . . . I want . . . no, I need to know if . . . if you really thought I looked like a clown in my stage clothes?” Harry’s voice is low as he lets go of Louis’ hand rubs his face.

Louis grabs both of Harry’s wrists and pulls them away from his face. “Oh my god no Harry – not at all I . . . I thought you looked amazing, to be honest.” Louis pauses as he tugs at the covers. “I . . . I said it because I . . . I was pissed and I wanted to hurt you . . . which was so fucking mean of me and I know that . . . I shouldn’t have done it.”

Harry reaches out his hand toward Louis and caresses his cheek. “I forgive you, baby. I know you were hurt. And I was too but now, I’m alright.”

Louis looks up and wraps his fingers around Harry’s wrist to take his hand into his and give it a kiss. “Thank you babe . . . I don’t want to argue with you at that point,” he smiles and leans in for a kiss.

“Same. Lou . . . do you think . . . do you think you could hold me?” Harry asks as he’s slipping under the covers again and Louis does the same.

“Of course,” Louis sighs and scoots closer to Harry who presses his back against Louis’ chest. Louis wraps his arms around Harry’s torso and kisses the soft skin at the back of his neck. “I’m glad we’re not fighting anymore,” he sighs.

“Me too,” Harry answers as he closes his eyes. “I love you so much baby,” he half whispers, enjoying the warmth that radiates from Louis’ body. He can feel his eyes getting heavy and it doesn’t take long until he drifts asleep to Louis’ steady breathing.

That night he dreams of better times where they don’t have to hide their relationship. He dreams of a place where they can be honest to themselves and the rest of the world, a place where terrible contracts, beards, repression and images for people don’t exist. In his dream, they’re just Harry and Louis holding hands while strolling through Hyde Park. Nobody talks to them, nobody follows them with their eyes, nobody wants to take pictures with them.

***

In the morning, Harry wakes up facing Louis. He watches his face for a while until the older boy opens his eyes. “Good morning,” Harry whispers and Louis just nods as he pulls Harry close to his chest.

“Good morning sunshine,” he says with his voice that’s still thick with sleep. “I don’t want to leave you.”

Harry puts his head under Louis’ chin and nuzzles closer to him. “I also want you to stay.”

Both of them stay quiet for a while. “I had a wonderful dream last night,” Harry tells Louis.

Louis pulls back a little so that he can face Harry. “About what?”

“Us,” Harry replies. “I dreamed of a place where we could be together without restrictions, without having to hide.” He sighs. “It was wonderful. Do you think that one day we’ll be able to be official, in front of the world?” Harry asks Louis quietly.

“I hope it is going to happen one day,” Louis answers and cups his boyfriend’s cheek with his hand. He gets closer to Harry and their lips touch gently, sharing an intimate, slow kiss.

“One day maybe,” Harry mumbles and pulls Louis close.

“One day maybe,” Louis repeats.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
